she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Damn victory sex feels great
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
