im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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