i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
