I must be too annoying 4 u.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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