He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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