i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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