Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
