You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
