according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
