Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
