I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
