I faked an abortion last night.
I think my vagina is haunted
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
