I think I am morally bankrupt
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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