Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
