Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Blood and glitter go together right?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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