Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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