I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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