A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
In America we eat man semen.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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