I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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