she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
