**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
