You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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