Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
