the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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