So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
