guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
birth control should be required to get into college
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
