Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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