i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're a waste of cheezeits
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
