Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
