my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize