i was born a porn star she said
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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