I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
