Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
