i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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