you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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