Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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