She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
