it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
