i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
