he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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