It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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