she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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