so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
