oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
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We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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