His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Randomize
