I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Randomize
