So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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