and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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