So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
