Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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