I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
