yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
