Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
