All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
