Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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