i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
