He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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