Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
