I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
