The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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