Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
