I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm at about main and main street
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
