but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
